All We Have

All we have is us, and existence. We exist. One in many, one alone. I can never hope to travel with another. A friend talks of how she doesn’t want to say anymore goodbyes. I don’t think we ever really say hello. We pass each other, some for more extended periods of time, but we are still alone. I can’t plan my life around another, whether it be a friend, or a lover. This is all we have, all I have. We can philosophize till it only becomes a theory, but that doesn’t make it any more distant from each of our life stories, it remains familiar to the bone. We cannot remove ourselves from this reality. I cannot go on the next page with a friend to save her from goodbyes, to save myself from goodbyes, because sooner or later I will again find myself staring into the night sky with only myself and the wind. I must decide my course for me alone, despite others approval or disapproval.
Everyone wants someone; this someone they will never find. Even in multiple personality disorder the one does not recognise, understand the other. The greatest unity of all is the soul and the spirit, the mind and the body. This is what we must strive for, what we must seek above all else. This is the philosophy I live by, what gives me my passion for sociology, psychology. I am just trying to know myself, not know others. This is only highlighted in the study of such. What then is our responsibility to the other? To those we pass by? I cannot hope to be a community-ist (communist). Community is just a desperate attempt at undergriding a painful realization.
But it remains that the greatest self-revelation is how one relates to others. This is epitomized in the fullest understanding of existentialism. One has fully realized this understanding when they stand full in the face of the disconnect, the dissonance, the isolation.

Written: November 10, 2008