I was thinking today of my headspace from when I first arrived to where I am at now. It is so much better. I remember that feeling of suppressed panic, and although it is not yet a distance memory, it is not my daily portion, and so I feel greater hope for the future.
Nash and I went to Seoul for the first time this weekend. We went to this one part of Seoul that is basically designed for foreigners. It was really nice, and it was comforting to see a lot of English signs and white people and N.A. foods. However, we haven't been here long enough to really miss that yet, so it seemed a little unnecessary. We are thinking "You are in Korea, enjoy "Korea"." But we have only been here a short while, so maybe we will understand better later. Anyways, it was just so nice to get out and see...more of the world. Then, this weekend, we went to that Korean church again and went with them and two others to this awesome ancient palace, called Gyoungbokgung. It took us over two hours to walk the grounds and see the buildings. It was so ornate and beautiful. There is supposedly this famous theater production about a Korean princess "____sang" who died tragically during the Japanese invasion, I don't remember hearing that story, but it reminded me of the King and I, ect. and I felt like I had walked into the past. It is so weird to think that those exact paths where I walked were walked by ancient royalty...the concept of time and history is somewhat baffling.
Anyways, after that we went out for bagoggi, a beef and onion stir fry thing. It was sooo good! They paid for everything all day, we felt like royalty, and the meal was probably over 100 dollars! They also fed us pizza (Our first in Korea) and Cheesecake (also our first in Korea) today after the sermon! I don't know what to do with generosity like that. There is such a beauty in it. I am reminded that we, all of humankind, must help the traveler, the visitor, and the neighbor. If we remember our interdependence we also remember our brotherhood, and that no matter where we are humanity will reach out to one another and embrace them as fellow sojourners in this thing called existence.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Humanity's Interdependence
I was reading in Geez this article 'leaving the garden' and it was about the interdependence of humanity. How we all use and are used by others. This really frustrates me, and I have such bitterness towards people when I feel used. I wanted to explore a bit why I am so hung up on this. So, I realized that I hate being dependent on people, and I don't want others to think that I am dependent on them, or else they might be feel the right to use me in return. Why do I fight the natural cycle of life, the interdependence of my species? It doesn't seem natural. In fact, I think the whole spirit of selfishness is contrary to humanity's natural form. (Okay, this is sounding a bit like Christianity's notion of pre-expulsion, damn that deep running socialization, nothing is new rumination!) Imagine, though, a life without feeling this need to protect your interests against others'? Not feeling like you will get the small slice of the pie, or the worse apartment in the building. Not worrying that you need to be educated in every area of life, so as not to be manipulated at the car repair shop, or taken advantage of in the taxation center. I just feel such mistrust towards people, but Korea seems to be a break from that, they throw a question mark into the way I think. It is safe here and people don't steal things left out, or try to rip you off on prices. I am humbled at my self-interest.
I am scared to accept the gifts of others. Am I indebted? What will they ask in return? Better to refuse, and keep what I have, so that I do not become dependent on another, or used in the future.
What a sad sad existence. Monastic simplicity seems so freeing.
I am scared to accept the gifts of others. Am I indebted? What will they ask in return? Better to refuse, and keep what I have, so that I do not become dependent on another, or used in the future.
What a sad sad existence. Monastic simplicity seems so freeing.
Profundity
I went to church twice now, to this small Korean-only-sermon church that Nash and I happened upon. It is funny because we thought that we would only go once, and see next time if we could find an English speaking one, but the people got so excited about having foreigners visit that now they won't let us go. The first time they served us lunch and sent us home with like 25 packages of Ramin noodles, and then yesterday we got together with the three English-speaking young women (actually the pastor's daughters) and one girl's husband and explored 'Gyoungbokgung Palace'. The one girl Eun-Chung has lived in New York for five years and has her Masters in dance education and speaks really good English. I feel like we are really blessed to meet her as a native Korean who can communicate with us and help us appreciate and understand Korea. However, I wonder if this is compromise of sort because this could be a year without religious canopy so to speak, and yet I feel already we ran to the safety of a common socialization. These people treat us so well...why? ...Because we are 'christian' and have a similar sub-culture.
I want to run from it in a way, yet I keep speaking the 'christian talk' with them.
I really wanted to experience other religions this year, and find the divine outside of my normal box. However, so far it seems like human nature is to seek the same box no matter the change in circumstance. There is hope though, that maybe I am just being impatient. This is good for right now, and I don't have a problem with having Christian friends, maybe it will take awhile for me to figure out where the Buddhist and Shamen temples are. I have done a bit of asking, and it sounds like there are temples in the 'city' I live that still hold services, so that is good to hear. I am not so sure about the shamanism though, but I will keep asking and keep my ears open.
I have been reading Homer's Odyssey. I bought it the other weekend at this place "What the Book?". It is not that interesting yet, because it is taking time to adjust to the style -I never thought I would read such an ancient text of my own accord. However, I understand that it is one of the longest standing and respecting literary works, so I am glad to read it. It turns out that it is mostly stories of war and the will of the gods. I feel like it is a cross between Hercules and the Old Testament. Anyways, I am trying to get stuff out of it, and I understand that the greatest human flaw is arrogance. Arrogance towards the gods and arrogance to the guest or visitor. Also, the guest was always greeted with these long accolades of welcome and the families story. I think that sometimes I am scarce with my words when meeting people, and I thought maybe it was because I was shy, but actually, I think it is pride. There is something to be said about how speaking reveals the ignorance of the mind, and so, I like to keep that a secret and maintain an illusion of contemplation and profundity. However, a man's wisdom can only be found true, when after having fallen on the ear, still rings sweet to all. Okay, that was an attempt at Homerian poetic writing. But you get what I am saying right? What good does it do to claim an untested profundity?
Having, said all that...there is something beautiful in silence.
Contradiction? Perhaps not.
I want to run from it in a way, yet I keep speaking the 'christian talk' with them.
I really wanted to experience other religions this year, and find the divine outside of my normal box. However, so far it seems like human nature is to seek the same box no matter the change in circumstance. There is hope though, that maybe I am just being impatient. This is good for right now, and I don't have a problem with having Christian friends, maybe it will take awhile for me to figure out where the Buddhist and Shamen temples are. I have done a bit of asking, and it sounds like there are temples in the 'city' I live that still hold services, so that is good to hear. I am not so sure about the shamanism though, but I will keep asking and keep my ears open.
I have been reading Homer's Odyssey. I bought it the other weekend at this place "What the Book?". It is not that interesting yet, because it is taking time to adjust to the style -I never thought I would read such an ancient text of my own accord. However, I understand that it is one of the longest standing and respecting literary works, so I am glad to read it. It turns out that it is mostly stories of war and the will of the gods. I feel like it is a cross between Hercules and the Old Testament. Anyways, I am trying to get stuff out of it, and I understand that the greatest human flaw is arrogance. Arrogance towards the gods and arrogance to the guest or visitor. Also, the guest was always greeted with these long accolades of welcome and the families story. I think that sometimes I am scarce with my words when meeting people, and I thought maybe it was because I was shy, but actually, I think it is pride. There is something to be said about how speaking reveals the ignorance of the mind, and so, I like to keep that a secret and maintain an illusion of contemplation and profundity. However, a man's wisdom can only be found true, when after having fallen on the ear, still rings sweet to all. Okay, that was an attempt at Homerian poetic writing. But you get what I am saying right? What good does it do to claim an untested profundity?
Having, said all that...there is something beautiful in silence.
Contradiction? Perhaps not.
In High Form
Today I am tired and stressed and wondering if I can possibly make it through a year of this gong-show school. The boss/owner here is all money and no discussion. Some kids didn't show up today because of a swine flu scare and now I am supposed to phone teach them all for 10 minutes on wed. thurs. and fri.! That is 50 min. a night plus, my monthly phone teaching is due on Friday, and I have another five classes to do for that. This means I have aprox. 10 hours of phone teaching to do in the next 3 nights. I will be here at the school from 9 in the morning to 9 or even 10 at night! I do not know why the heck I thought I wanted to teach kids! I don't even like kids, and now all I see are their snotty little faces staring (or yelling) at me for 8 hours a day! AHHHHH!!!
Other than that I am fine. I guess life is about making money so that you can stop working and actually enjoy life. A little (or a lot) or pain for a little gain. I already can't wait to go back to school. What a life of luxury. Time to think and write and contemplate.
The boss lady doesn't speak much English so we can't really even talk to her, but everyone says she is like a tyrant, and so far I would have to agree. If she actually looked at the amount of time I am required to be here she would have to say something! 30 hour work week? That idea is history. What a bummer. So much for finding an easy way to make money.
I think Nash and I will just have to come up with really great (but cheap) ways of making our time off sooooo great that we forget all this zaney school stuff.
I think the worst of it is class management. This kids are always yelling, and the Korean ideal for a classroom is everyone sitting at their best behavior, and there are cameras watching the classroom, so I always have to be on patrol to ensure no kids are leaning on their hands or up off their chairs. This is a no no to our boss lady. Two teachers got 'warnings' in the last week or so. The words "What is she trying to do, fire everybody?" are said a lot in the teachers room.
Sorry I don't have nice stuff to write. I guess I just needed to vent about this school business. I don't think it is my pot of tea. I have to make this all worth it some how.
I think of these kids lives sometimes though, I find my days long, but a lot of these kids have just as long of days. They are expected to know sooo much and in a foreign language at that! I teach 4,7,9,11, and maybe 12 year olds. The age thing is really different in Korea, so I never really know how old the kids are.
Well, I guess I should go. I have a double block next with some class called P8 3-3 whatever that means, I will teach some random ciriculum and have them repeat words. I don't even believe in their education philosophy here. The kids are all aces at filling out worksheets, but can't even understand when I issue commands like "write" and "copy the sentence" What a Crock!!
Yes, yes, pessimism is in high form today.
Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.
Katelyn.
Other than that I am fine. I guess life is about making money so that you can stop working and actually enjoy life. A little (or a lot) or pain for a little gain. I already can't wait to go back to school. What a life of luxury. Time to think and write and contemplate.
The boss lady doesn't speak much English so we can't really even talk to her, but everyone says she is like a tyrant, and so far I would have to agree. If she actually looked at the amount of time I am required to be here she would have to say something! 30 hour work week? That idea is history. What a bummer. So much for finding an easy way to make money.
I think Nash and I will just have to come up with really great (but cheap) ways of making our time off sooooo great that we forget all this zaney school stuff.
I think the worst of it is class management. This kids are always yelling, and the Korean ideal for a classroom is everyone sitting at their best behavior, and there are cameras watching the classroom, so I always have to be on patrol to ensure no kids are leaning on their hands or up off their chairs. This is a no no to our boss lady. Two teachers got 'warnings' in the last week or so. The words "What is she trying to do, fire everybody?" are said a lot in the teachers room.
Sorry I don't have nice stuff to write. I guess I just needed to vent about this school business. I don't think it is my pot of tea. I have to make this all worth it some how.
I think of these kids lives sometimes though, I find my days long, but a lot of these kids have just as long of days. They are expected to know sooo much and in a foreign language at that! I teach 4,7,9,11, and maybe 12 year olds. The age thing is really different in Korea, so I never really know how old the kids are.
Well, I guess I should go. I have a double block next with some class called P8 3-3 whatever that means, I will teach some random ciriculum and have them repeat words. I don't even believe in their education philosophy here. The kids are all aces at filling out worksheets, but can't even understand when I issue commands like "write" and "copy the sentence" What a Crock!!
Yes, yes, pessimism is in high form today.
Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.
Katelyn.
So here is more of the teaching update. I am teaching little kids like 4 years old!! They remind me of Jamie sometimes, so that is cute, but a roomful of them, when you are actually trying to teach them something...the cuteness factor doesn't really go very far. I am also teaching 7 year olds and then a bunch of 'elementary' classes, which are kids from 9-12 I think. I just kinda have them do these vocab and memory sentences. I feel like I am training robots, or people for the army, there is so much drill work. However, I enjoy those kids because they actually joke around with me and seem to have fun in class, but still pay attention without me doing acrobatics to get their attention.
I came here to make money, lose weight, travel, meet people, find the divine, and figure out what I want to do afterwards. I fear that I will not accomplish these goals. I want to think that I am stronger than that, more intent and driven, but I fear that I am a pushover and easily effected by others. I feel as thought this year will kind of prove who I am, but even then there are always chances to change.
I went to a church on Sunday, but it was all in Korean. Afterwards the pastor's daughters came over to talk to us, it was really nice. They want to get together to do some tourist stuff and have dinner and who knows! So that is really nice. We hadn't met any 'church-folk' here yet (mind you, we haven't been advertising). I want to check out some temples and the sort, but it is not so easy to find them as Korea is now mostly Christian.
I came here to make money, lose weight, travel, meet people, find the divine, and figure out what I want to do afterwards. I fear that I will not accomplish these goals. I want to think that I am stronger than that, more intent and driven, but I fear that I am a pushover and easily effected by others. I feel as thought this year will kind of prove who I am, but even then there are always chances to change.
I went to a church on Sunday, but it was all in Korean. Afterwards the pastor's daughters came over to talk to us, it was really nice. They want to get together to do some tourist stuff and have dinner and who knows! So that is really nice. We hadn't met any 'church-folk' here yet (mind you, we haven't been advertising). I want to check out some temples and the sort, but it is not so easy to find them as Korea is now mostly Christian.
A Defining Year
Well, where to start....We moved in on Wed night to utter dismay. The place smelled sour, like what I imagined to be fermented throw-up. The floors were covered in dirt and dust, the pots, dishes, and utensils, were sticky from oven grease and under-washing. The couches were torn and dirty, the mattresses stained. We were soooo thankful that we were allowed to take the bedding from the first flat to own for the year. We could at least lay those down on the mattresses and sleep. Then it was back to school the next day for our first day of teaching!!! What a crazy three days!
We worked Thursday and Friday and then Friday night went and got all our cleaning supplies and a few groceries. Finally on Saturday we were able to begin our big clean so we could finally feel a sense of home. We woke up at 8:30 and after a quick breakfast we started our cleaning....we cleaned for 12 hours!!! We washed everything from wall trim and doors to cupboards, bed frames, dishes, and finally those disgusting floors. The most disgusting of all being the inch thick layer of food and grease under the Bunsen burner and the sticky unknown on my floor, the most discouraging is that we still have eight things/rooms left ...and the most rewarding thing was the amazingly beautiful floors that lay under all that dust. It is like a fake hardwood linoleum and it practically sparkles! Finally we could move groceries into cupboards and today I will unpack and move into the wardrobe.
I am sorry this is probably not the most interesting thing to read, but if only you could truly appreciate how unsettled Nashly and I felt living there. This cleaning update is the most exciting part of my week!! :)
Anyways, now a bit about school. To be honest, it seems like the hardest thing I have ever done, but everyone I live with keep telling me that it is the easiest job they have ever had, and that you can totally just slack and live life up! So, the goal is one month. That is when everyone says it will begin to just be routine and easy, so I am pretty much living for that time, but trying to make the most of it too. I am trying to do prep work so that I don't feel lost when I am in class, but it is hard to prepare for eight different blocks a day!! I teach six different classes of students a day! That is a lot to keep track of and different curriculum for each! Oh my word!!! I don't know who thought it was a good idea to dump this on new teachers without any training. We observed classes and tried to ask questions, but there was such a shit load of information coming at us every minute!
Now, about the people. So, it turns out that while really nice people-they are also crazy party people. I guess I had an idea of that the first night we went out with them, but I just didn't know if that was situational or the usual. I went out with them on Thursday. It started out so great. Turns out we have a roof top patio!! Ficken B-E-A-U-tiful! haha. We can see the mountains and there is a table and chairs up there so we were all just chatting (10 of us, teachers from our school and the other ECC school in the area). They were all telling me stories of Korea, or giving me tips, or talking about what they did last weekend. Just good stuff, then at about 12:30 we decided to move the party down the street to the convenience store. You are allowed to drink on the streets here, as I am sure I mentioned many times because I love it so! So we brought our beers down with us and sat on the patio out there. A few people were pretty drunk, but it was still good chatting and then these two guys who are like best friends but really wild guys started arguing about Homer's Odyssey (which makes me think I better read it if it is that important!) and next thing I know they each get in a solid punch to the other guy's face. I could hear the knuckle on skin contact loud and clear! Everybody backed up like crazy fast and then one guy had the other in a head lock and his face was going all red and then Lily yells "Guys, separate them now!" and the other four guys at the party are pulling them apart two to a man, but even then it takes them a bit to get them apart, this one guy from Canada has one fighter guy (names have been changed to protect identity :p) in a arm lock and is trying to lead him down the street, I have the fighter guy's wallet and keys, which he is now yelling about, so I run after them and we take him home. The rest calm 'the other fighter guy' down and follow a few minutes later. What a crazy night!
I tried to be really cool after it happened, but I'm sure everyone's adrenaline was pumping, but to be honest it kinda made me think. I was so eager to go out with them all before, not to get drunk, but just to see the sights and clubs and bars of Seoul and Korea, but now I am a bit more hesitant. I think that they would have my back and make sure I got home, but I just keep hearing about these crazy parties and I am not yet sure I can hold me own in this foreign land with people who are not yet that familiar to me. I want to read a lot of books and and climb mountains and see the sights of Korea. I don't want to only spend my Saturdays sleeping off hangovers and watching TV, but I also want to hang out with this group and experience it all.I feel as thought this year could really be a defining one for me. I really want to save money too though. And lose weight. It is like for the first time in my life I am truly free from restraints and expectations and I can and must make my own decisions about life and drinking and money and time and responsibility and accomplishments and meaning systems. People talk about this year in Korea as though it has just been one never ending party or vacation, and kinda surreal, out of this world. However, I am not sure if that is what I want. Don't I want to use this year for advancement and good of some sort? But I am not sure I will find that motivational encouragement here. I realize I will really need to be motivated by the ideal of home. There is something to be said about taking a year to discover yourself and what you are made of, and what you are all about. Sometimes I worry that it was only my close friends and Prov that made me think as a cognitive intellectual, driven by contemplation and analysis, but now I will find out for myself apart from all of that.
We worked Thursday and Friday and then Friday night went and got all our cleaning supplies and a few groceries. Finally on Saturday we were able to begin our big clean so we could finally feel a sense of home. We woke up at 8:30 and after a quick breakfast we started our cleaning....we cleaned for 12 hours!!! We washed everything from wall trim and doors to cupboards, bed frames, dishes, and finally those disgusting floors. The most disgusting of all being the inch thick layer of food and grease under the Bunsen burner and the sticky unknown on my floor, the most discouraging is that we still have eight things/rooms left ...and the most rewarding thing was the amazingly beautiful floors that lay under all that dust. It is like a fake hardwood linoleum and it practically sparkles! Finally we could move groceries into cupboards and today I will unpack and move into the wardrobe.
I am sorry this is probably not the most interesting thing to read, but if only you could truly appreciate how unsettled Nashly and I felt living there. This cleaning update is the most exciting part of my week!! :)
Anyways, now a bit about school. To be honest, it seems like the hardest thing I have ever done, but everyone I live with keep telling me that it is the easiest job they have ever had, and that you can totally just slack and live life up! So, the goal is one month. That is when everyone says it will begin to just be routine and easy, so I am pretty much living for that time, but trying to make the most of it too. I am trying to do prep work so that I don't feel lost when I am in class, but it is hard to prepare for eight different blocks a day!! I teach six different classes of students a day! That is a lot to keep track of and different curriculum for each! Oh my word!!! I don't know who thought it was a good idea to dump this on new teachers without any training. We observed classes and tried to ask questions, but there was such a shit load of information coming at us every minute!
Now, about the people. So, it turns out that while really nice people-they are also crazy party people. I guess I had an idea of that the first night we went out with them, but I just didn't know if that was situational or the usual. I went out with them on Thursday. It started out so great. Turns out we have a roof top patio!! Ficken B-E-A-U-tiful! haha. We can see the mountains and there is a table and chairs up there so we were all just chatting (10 of us, teachers from our school and the other ECC school in the area). They were all telling me stories of Korea, or giving me tips, or talking about what they did last weekend. Just good stuff, then at about 12:30 we decided to move the party down the street to the convenience store. You are allowed to drink on the streets here, as I am sure I mentioned many times because I love it so! So we brought our beers down with us and sat on the patio out there. A few people were pretty drunk, but it was still good chatting and then these two guys who are like best friends but really wild guys started arguing about Homer's Odyssey (which makes me think I better read it if it is that important!) and next thing I know they each get in a solid punch to the other guy's face. I could hear the knuckle on skin contact loud and clear! Everybody backed up like crazy fast and then one guy had the other in a head lock and his face was going all red and then Lily yells "Guys, separate them now!" and the other four guys at the party are pulling them apart two to a man, but even then it takes them a bit to get them apart, this one guy from Canada has one fighter guy (names have been changed to protect identity :p) in a arm lock and is trying to lead him down the street, I have the fighter guy's wallet and keys, which he is now yelling about, so I run after them and we take him home. The rest calm 'the other fighter guy' down and follow a few minutes later. What a crazy night!
I tried to be really cool after it happened, but I'm sure everyone's adrenaline was pumping, but to be honest it kinda made me think. I was so eager to go out with them all before, not to get drunk, but just to see the sights and clubs and bars of Seoul and Korea, but now I am a bit more hesitant. I think that they would have my back and make sure I got home, but I just keep hearing about these crazy parties and I am not yet sure I can hold me own in this foreign land with people who are not yet that familiar to me. I want to read a lot of books and and climb mountains and see the sights of Korea. I don't want to only spend my Saturdays sleeping off hangovers and watching TV, but I also want to hang out with this group and experience it all.I feel as thought this year could really be a defining one for me. I really want to save money too though. And lose weight. It is like for the first time in my life I am truly free from restraints and expectations and I can and must make my own decisions about life and drinking and money and time and responsibility and accomplishments and meaning systems. People talk about this year in Korea as though it has just been one never ending party or vacation, and kinda surreal, out of this world. However, I am not sure if that is what I want. Don't I want to use this year for advancement and good of some sort? But I am not sure I will find that motivational encouragement here. I realize I will really need to be motivated by the ideal of home. There is something to be said about taking a year to discover yourself and what you are made of, and what you are all about. Sometimes I worry that it was only my close friends and Prov that made me think as a cognitive intellectual, driven by contemplation and analysis, but now I will find out for myself apart from all of that.
Legendary drinking party
I went out on Friday night to the 'legendary drinking party'; what a GONGSHOW!! Dang, man, these people know how to live the party life. It was so good to get out of the apartment and meet people though, for the most part they were really encouraging and supportive, telling us how easy the job is and how much we will get used to things, and identifying with their first day(s), and just giving us lots of tips and advice. I guess a lot of them have not even been here for half a year, so they are still in a bit of that transition too. The one thing that is kinda intimidating is that one girl is being fired this week. I guess she had a lot of complaints from parents and she didn't really change her mistakes, so they are letting her go. That kinda made Nash and I nervous, but people were telling us that they think she had some sort of social problem because she was very uncomfortable around people and in front of her class, they said "you girls have been more social in the last two days then she has been in all four months", so that at least put some of our fears to rest."
Anyways, back to this party...we went to this restaurant where you sit on the floor, and there was about 22 of us. Turns out the guy who picked us up from the airport, our boss Mr. You, is a multi-millionaire, and likes to show his teachers a good time. He is a very happy man and fairly easy-going. He bought more and more alcohol, and the table was literally covered in bottles by the end of the night. Crazy! Most people got quite tipsy, some wasted, and some not very affected. We then went to this club/bar called Mix and spent the rest of the evening there. It was kinda western in it's music and drinks, but no dancing like in our 'clubs', so kinda more like a bar, but really small and packed. We took a taxi from the restaurant and then wandered down random streets till we found Mix, That made me think of bars in Europe, small and down these small cramped streets. In some ways it felt like my first real party.
Then yesterday we went to the flat, which will be ours eventually, to meet up with the guys. It looks like the foreign teachers have quite a community thing going, so that will be cool to live in the building with most of them and get into that. There are six flats in that one building and then two in another further up the street, so it sounds great! The thing is that the group hangouts, seem to center quite a bit around drinking and 'partying' whatever that means, so Nash and I are thinking that we will just have to initiate some alternative 'Partying' and get people to join us for hiking, or a diner party, or Karaoke Bongs (small rooms to rent and sing Karaoke in).
Okay, well, this letter is getting long, and I know you won't want this much information all year long, but I just think it is good to write it out and process, so I guess you will just have to learn to speed read or something!
I do feel a lot better after being able to go out and see people and get out of the 'trapped-ness' of my apartment room. It is really just small and foreign and empty feeling. I really hope that they fix up our new flat though, because Mr. Yu said they would have people come in to clean and re-wall paper, but honestly, right now it looks like a rehabilitation house...Seriously! It is really dirty and dodgy, but it doesn't help that it has been three guys living there, they warned us that it looked "like a bachelor flat", so I guess with a bit of cleaning and 'homemaking touches', it should be a nice place. The building itself looks really nice though.
Okay, now for the'How am I?'...well, I still feel this suppressed sense of panic, but less often. It has been really good to get out. There are a few things which make me nervous still, but everyone makes it sound like this is the best school to be at in Korea, and Mr. Yu is a really good boss. I have been able to have some good talks with Nashly, processing things and doing some 'dreaming' for our new flat and things we will do this year.
There is a mountain only like a ten min. walk from our new flat!!!! I am so excited. They say it is like an hour or 45 min. to climb, so that will be a great weekend exercise activity. I wish you could see the area of our new flat. It is almost like the country, because it is on the outskirts of Uijeongbu, which is on the outskirts of Seoul. It is like we get the benefit of smaller town-ish, but with the convenience of transport to both mid-city convenience, and big-city entertainment options. whoo-hoo!. hehe.
I really don't know why I am taking this transition so hard. I really want to 'live life to the fullest', but it is like instead I feel tied to something really intimidating. It is work, and it is a whole year. I didn't think the 'unfamiliar-ness' of everything would affect me. I mean Jamaica and Ethiopia were really different in architecture and population, but I don't really remember feeling stressed at all. I have been kinda pondering if it is somehow a bit of anomie that I am feeling. I had my canopy constructed in Canada. Even apart from religion it was there, and now that that canopy is taken away, I am not left with the religious canopy that I had when I experienced other cultures previously. Also, there was an imediate sense of community in the commonality of religion with YWAM people, but here there requires much more attention to develop that connection point. I don't think I want to drink as much as I assume they do, and I am worried that they will isolate Nash and I for our religious background, as 'perceived' as it may be in my case. I feel the need to differentiate, but I guess they will figure that out, and I just need to be patient, but I worry that I am such an extreme differentiator that I will resort to speaking too strongly about my own thoughts, and views and getting ahead of myself. I don't want to be a really loud-spoken personality, but I do feel the need to speak up to counteract 'perceived' ideas and assumptions. I guess in the long run actions speak louder than words, and I will just have to trust that eventually they will either see me for who I am, or even give me the benefit of the doubt at the beginning.
Anyways, back to this party...we went to this restaurant where you sit on the floor, and there was about 22 of us. Turns out the guy who picked us up from the airport, our boss Mr. You, is a multi-millionaire, and likes to show his teachers a good time. He is a very happy man and fairly easy-going. He bought more and more alcohol, and the table was literally covered in bottles by the end of the night. Crazy! Most people got quite tipsy, some wasted, and some not very affected. We then went to this club/bar called Mix and spent the rest of the evening there. It was kinda western in it's music and drinks, but no dancing like in our 'clubs', so kinda more like a bar, but really small and packed. We took a taxi from the restaurant and then wandered down random streets till we found Mix, That made me think of bars in Europe, small and down these small cramped streets. In some ways it felt like my first real party.
Then yesterday we went to the flat, which will be ours eventually, to meet up with the guys. It looks like the foreign teachers have quite a community thing going, so that will be cool to live in the building with most of them and get into that. There are six flats in that one building and then two in another further up the street, so it sounds great! The thing is that the group hangouts, seem to center quite a bit around drinking and 'partying' whatever that means, so Nash and I are thinking that we will just have to initiate some alternative 'Partying' and get people to join us for hiking, or a diner party, or Karaoke Bongs (small rooms to rent and sing Karaoke in).
Okay, well, this letter is getting long, and I know you won't want this much information all year long, but I just think it is good to write it out and process, so I guess you will just have to learn to speed read or something!
I do feel a lot better after being able to go out and see people and get out of the 'trapped-ness' of my apartment room. It is really just small and foreign and empty feeling. I really hope that they fix up our new flat though, because Mr. Yu said they would have people come in to clean and re-wall paper, but honestly, right now it looks like a rehabilitation house...Seriously! It is really dirty and dodgy, but it doesn't help that it has been three guys living there, they warned us that it looked "like a bachelor flat", so I guess with a bit of cleaning and 'homemaking touches', it should be a nice place. The building itself looks really nice though.
Okay, now for the'How am I?'...well, I still feel this suppressed sense of panic, but less often. It has been really good to get out. There are a few things which make me nervous still, but everyone makes it sound like this is the best school to be at in Korea, and Mr. Yu is a really good boss. I have been able to have some good talks with Nashly, processing things and doing some 'dreaming' for our new flat and things we will do this year.
There is a mountain only like a ten min. walk from our new flat!!!! I am so excited. They say it is like an hour or 45 min. to climb, so that will be a great weekend exercise activity. I wish you could see the area of our new flat. It is almost like the country, because it is on the outskirts of Uijeongbu, which is on the outskirts of Seoul. It is like we get the benefit of smaller town-ish, but with the convenience of transport to both mid-city convenience, and big-city entertainment options. whoo-hoo!. hehe.
I really don't know why I am taking this transition so hard. I really want to 'live life to the fullest', but it is like instead I feel tied to something really intimidating. It is work, and it is a whole year. I didn't think the 'unfamiliar-ness' of everything would affect me. I mean Jamaica and Ethiopia were really different in architecture and population, but I don't really remember feeling stressed at all. I have been kinda pondering if it is somehow a bit of anomie that I am feeling. I had my canopy constructed in Canada. Even apart from religion it was there, and now that that canopy is taken away, I am not left with the religious canopy that I had when I experienced other cultures previously. Also, there was an imediate sense of community in the commonality of religion with YWAM people, but here there requires much more attention to develop that connection point. I don't think I want to drink as much as I assume they do, and I am worried that they will isolate Nash and I for our religious background, as 'perceived' as it may be in my case. I feel the need to differentiate, but I guess they will figure that out, and I just need to be patient, but I worry that I am such an extreme differentiator that I will resort to speaking too strongly about my own thoughts, and views and getting ahead of myself. I don't want to be a really loud-spoken personality, but I do feel the need to speak up to counteract 'perceived' ideas and assumptions. I guess in the long run actions speak louder than words, and I will just have to trust that eventually they will either see me for who I am, or even give me the benefit of the doubt at the beginning.
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