Small and Finite

I am doing well. I got internet in my room on Wednesday, so now I have been trying to get this blog updated and running and also pics posted, so I have not been doing as much reading. It is weird, cause I know that it is good to do these things to keep people informed, but at the same time I feel like I am not spending time valuably because I am on the computer. ha! Well, I guess that is a good mentality to have.

This weekend I am going on a work retreat. Except here instead of calling it a retreat they say picnic. ha! A work picnic, except it is not a picnic at all, we are going to this home-type building by a lake-type thing and having a drinking party. Should be interesting! I have fallen more into the groove here at work. I don't find it overwhelming anymore, so that is good, just long days still, and sometimes I really lack the enthusiasm I know I should have to be a good teacher. Sometimes all I want to do is be a grump with the kids, and get easily annoyed. These are such weird things for me to be thinking about, or writing about, because they are not apart of my ideal world. I want to spend my time thinking about relationships and cognitive dynamics, not my annoyance and enthusiasm levels. I guess in some ways this is more real life than my contemplations have been at Prov. I don't feel like I was really confronted with how flighty I often was in my self-psychology. I mean I loved it! I loved thinking and analyzing myself in that way, but I just see now, that most of life is just doing motions and not really going to that place. Either it is the sadly forgotten, or the fools luxury.

I climbed the mountain behind my house twice this weekend. It is so amazing!!! I went up the first time with Nash and it took us three hours, we kept stopping to take pictures, and we found this great little rock outcropping that looks over this valley, and it was so beautiful and spiritual, so on Sunday, after getting nothing spiritual from the church (well, expect for community, which has actually been very beautiful, and also somewhat spiritual) I decided to run up the mountain and meditate on the cliff. It only took me 40 min! I ran almost the whole way, I think the oxygen levels here in Korea are wacked! I can run sooo much further than I could in Canada. Anyways, I just had this intense time of sitting there and looking out over the country that is Korea and all the 1000's of houses and apartments probably I could see over 100,00 people all milling about for miles and miles and it all seemed so futile and mundane and then I looked out over the vastness of these lasting mountains, that have been there for generations and generations and I felt so small and insignificant and the divine felt so big and permanent, and I realized that despite all my theories of the importance of interdependence of human kind, that cannot alone be the meaning of life, because there is something so grand outside of ourselves and life is so futile. I sobbed and wrote and sat in silence. It was powerful and healing.